Sunday, October 23, 2011

for real.

you know what?
I'm done with this lacking blog,
I'm done trying trying to sound clever..

I'm ready to be real.

so this, this my friends, is what i am really feeling,plain and simple.

I feel like i am at a crucial point in my life, yet i cant seem to move. 
its like I'm running as fast i can until i am out of breath, just to learn that i haven't moved an inch.
And maybe, its because I'm 17 and have dreams of being something i am not.
Am i suppose to reach for them or let them go and be real about life?
Im stuck. Everyone always says reach for your dreams, but the next sentence they are like, well that probably wont happen so make a realistic plan. so people, what the heck do you want from me?!!
are dreams ever realistic? rarely. So do i risk it all and reach from them, or do i settle?
who the flip knows anymore. if you do, tell me.

 also, I'm not always fine. I'm not always the strong sarah, everyone knows me to be.
I cry, I cry a lot.  I get mad and i blame people, i blame my mom for situations that are out of control, I blame myself for stuff i couldn't of stopped. And i really, really wish i didn't. So mom, if you ever read this.. I'm sorry that i always get mad at you. It just that i feel like you are the only person i can be weak around. I am trying to be better and Im sorry. 

and yes, i may not "care" about boys. But that doesn't mean, boys haven't hurt me and broken my heart. And yes, i still get nervous when i see you.. and yes, sometimes i miss you and wonder what i did wrong? and yeah, i do wish i had a boy that liked me..  i think what i really want is to know, that someone thinks of me that way.. that someone cares. Is that too much to ask?
bahahaha. ewww. i sound like a 14 year old crazy person. sorry. real=crazy.

alos, i find myself being way more shy than i used to be. Maybe that's because, i have don't have that much social interaction these days... figures. ha ha ha. 

any who,
thats me today,
real. idiot.

1 comment:

  1. This is my favorite post of yours.
    Don't settle. Ever.
    High school boys aren't worth your time. College is where it's at.