Wednesday, December 22, 2010

its okay by me, it was a long time ago.

this post is about moving on from the past.
some may say.."how can you have a past, you are only 16 years old."
but anyone who has overcome a hard situation or has had to get out of a bad place, has a past. Age doesnt matter. i havent been through as much as someone ten years older than me. but that doesnt mean i havent been through anything. cause i have had my own trials and at the moment they were hard for me. even if they seem silly now.

there are three people that i thought would always be in my life,
but no we dont speak, and have moved on.

when i was in the eighth grade, i had a bestfriend. her name was maddie law, we were going to be bestfriendw forever. we did everything together, you would never see us without eachother. well.. maddie changed. she started to lie to her parents and started to swear and get every boy she could. she just wanted to rebel in everyway possible. so thats what she did. so there was a drastic change of how she acted at home and her mom decided that no way could it be her daughter that wanted to act out. it was all my fault, cause i was a bad infulence? but really maddie was the bad infulence on herself and me. well.. this went on for about a year. in the middle of ninth grade year she transfered to a different school, so she could get away from the bad infulences? which according to her mom, that was me. maddie never stuck up for me and told her mom that it was really her all along.. and when she left she told everyone not to be friends with me cause i would bring them down too? so for awhile i didnt have friends until people started looking at me, for me. and not as maddie's bestfriend. i ended up making really good friends and having a great ninth grade year. as for maddie, she got into drugs and drinking.. and in her sophomore year got caught with a bottle of vodka in her backpack and got sent away again. i wish the best for her and i hope that she can turn her life around for the better. sometimes i still miss her and the crazy dance parties we would have & all the crazy pictures we would take.

josh. the first boy, i ever liked. i met josh in the eighth grade, through some friends that went to american fork. i thought i was going to marry the kid. he was so nice and sweet and thought the world of me. well, both him and i didnt have the best of friends. he was in the skater crowd and i was still friends with maddie law and those types of girls. so we would always "fight" about the people we were hanging out with. well one day he got so mad he broke all his skateboards and said he was done with that scene. frankly, i was too. maddie law was gone and i started hanging out with different people. well he turned his life around, he started drumming again which he loves. he started getting better grades and stoping hanging around the kids that werent going anywhere in life. but i wasnt in his new life plan? eventhough i made the plan for him. ha ha ha.
so we stopped talking for about a year, he found another girl to think the world of.. and that hurt me. yeah i know pathetic right? i was like 14. hahaha. but at the time, he was my bestfriend the boy i would tell everything too. so it was hard to just stop talking to him. so i would try, and he would yell at me. go figure. hahah. well i grew up, he changed. and somehow we came back into eachothers lives this spring/summmer. we became the friends we used to be.. and i wanted to keep it at that. i tried to set him up with on my friends, to keep that from happening. well.. he told me that he didnt want to be with her, he wanted me. and how could i turn away from the first boy i ever liked, the one that knew me the best. so i ended up hurting her, which i still havent forgiven myself for. and he changed once again... and went against me completely. go figure. well now we go to the same school.. we havent said a word to eachother ever since i got there. we walk by eachother every day, and somedays i catch his eyes on me. it looks like he wants to say something, but we know its for the best we dont. so we just walk by like we have no idea who eachother are. is this hard? yes, but i have to keep telling myself its for the best. people ask me if i have feelings for him. the answer is no. i havent had feelings for him since the eighth grade..(i dont even think those count. hahaha) i tired to tell myself i liked him again. but i didnt. the only thing i miss is the way we would talk about music. thats it.

hunter. i met him in my ninth grade seminary class. we became good friends, then one day he told me he liked me... i was scared that this would ruin our friendship. well it did in the long run.
we liked eachother, but now he denies it. hahah. well he started to be really mean to me... what a jerk. hahah. i dont really know where im going with this. point is, that he hurt me more than anyone has. and eventhough its stupid, he meant alot to me. yes, more than josh. suprise. hahah.
i wish we were still friends.
the end.

so... i hope you took the last 20 minutes to read those pointless stories.
and enjoyed every second of it.

move on;

those stories, were highly dramatized for affect.
hahah. i am glad that i have move on in my life.
i cant even imagine what a mess i would be if all three of these people were still in my life.
you have to cherish change.
its almost always for the better.
we learn and we grow
and we move on.


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  3. hahahah. i know right??
    hilarious. we were all so pathetic.

  4. hmmm Maddie Law HAHAHAHAHHAAH do remember chandler?? her boyfriend at the time who was hitting on me at a dance then i found out it was her boyfriend and played along? haha that was mean. (: he was ugly anywayy! (:
    I HATE JOSH. (:
    neither of them were good enough for you. trust me. (:
    heyy Bianca,, are you the Josh and Bianca, Bianca? causeeeeeeee if you are... well. if you and sarah are on talking terms and friends i must apologize for me mean outrageous and might i say explicit texts i sent you at one point in time. from the bottom of my heart i apologize. only if you and sarah are cool though ;) just kidding i apologize anyway i was mean. really though. (: kayyy cool. bye. (: